2023-01-22: visitors

sleep's been a strange thing lately. fitful, a bit sporadic; i have melatonin and i sometimes take it, not wanting to form a habit, or disrupt what my own body is supposed to be producing.

sometimes i hear voices as i'm drifting off. and melatonin occasionally produces visitations for me as well. after the death of my dog, a startling dream of us walking slowly through black and white hills. after my grandfather's passing, a few minutes spent with him as well.

last night, taking melatonin for the first time in months, i dreamed of an ex and an old flame, neither a day older than the seventeen and nineteen when i knew them. we walked through a sprawling cityscape, the two of them handing me notes in some incomprehensible script.

i try not to ascribe deeper meanings to dreams, considering them not oracular but thrashings of the subconscious. decades later, those two long gone from my life. why was i thinking of them? what drew them back?

tonight i'll take two melatonins, half a glass of water. lie back in the dark; listen to the voices that call me back to sleep.