and i just stared at it, wondering if i had more complicated relationships with past exes than others. one sexually assaulted me; the other ghosted me before that word was even coined, our relationship long distance, leaving me for half a year in a kind of limbo where i didn't know if they were all right or what was going on. the first sexual violence, the second just (just?) cruelty.
i wouldn't want either of them to contact me. it would be overwhelming. it would send me into a panic attack. do people really have such casual relationships with their exes? texts, emails, all fair game for twitter for the lols? i can't even imagine. i'm going to therapy and only starting to undo the damage of my teenage years, untie all those knots, and i can't imagine. i can't imagine.