2023-08-09: text, cleaning

an ominous text from my partner, received while i was out. when i got back, i ended up cleaning out the lawnmower; it stank, and i scraped off some rotting grass, but i didn't find anything else in there. i think. but i saw a flash of motion while looking elsewhere in the garage. a rabbit? a mouse or vole? i kept looking. and looking.

one thing led to another and i spent two hours cleaning and tidying the garage. organizing, rearranging, decluttering. i threw a lot of things out. i never found the rabbit, but the garage door was open, so i told myself, maybe it hid then ran out. and maybe it did. i'll see, i guess.

i came in and my head was still buzzing, fixating on dirt and disorder. the sort of intense focus i get from my ocd. when i'm like this, it's like i have blinders on. i have trouble focusing on anything else. and i've learned not to fight it, so i took a look into the pantry, saw everything jumbled, and decided to get it done. took everything out, scrubbed the shelves, organized cans and jugs and bags and boxes. my partner stunned when she got in. and with my head still telling me to tidy, to do things, i decided to do a long-put-off dump run.

an hour and a half after that, the dead dehumidifier was at the recycling depot, the random bits of lumber and other too-large-for-the-bin trash dropped off at the dump: broken tomato cages, a snow shovel missing its blade, a cracked plastic kiddie pool, a couple of cheap plastic gardening pots...

by the end of it i felt like i'd lost six hours of my life because, well, i basically had. and i didn't feel like cooking, so i picked up a couple of pizzas and pop. pepperoni, bacon, and mushroom for her; ham and pineapple and extra cheese for me.

several things off my to-do list. i'm tired, but i'm writing this. having terrible instant coffee out of an old enamel mug. idly browsing in firefox and lagrange. trying to find interesting sites, interesting people, whether on the web or elsewhere.

journal