2023-12-06: jump rope

a few months ago i hurt myself, and it's been the slow process of healing. i've only recently started seeing a physiotherapist, since my thought process for the first little while was, yeah, it hurts, but my range of motion's getting better, right? and it was, till it wasn't. after a couple of months, i seemed to plateau. i gave it a few more weeks, then started to see a physio.

and i've been doing that a few weeks, and it's been going reasonably okay — i have these stretches and exercises i've been doing every day — but winter's coming and i've been looking for a way to exercise once it starts getting really cold and snowy. i have some dumbbells, and usually lift those in the winter, but this year i'm looking for a way to do some cardio, too. i'd like to be a little slimmer, get closer to the image i have of myself in my head.

so i bought a cheap jump rope off amazon, and one jump in, i was like, well, that's all for now. apparently i've still got a ways to go before i can do those motions pain-free. and i'm a little upset, not because i feel like it's wasted money or anything, but because it's now been four months since i hurt myself and i don't see the end in sight. my physio said recovery would definitely be in the order of months, not weeks; but still, it's a little scary when your body just straight-up doesn't work the way it should, doesn't bend certain ways that it used to, and there's no clear idea as to when it will.

i'm lucky because my body otherwise, you know, still works: i've been susceptible to tweaking my lower back since my 20s, once every year or two, but this follows a predictable pattern of tweak & agony & robaxicet & a week or so later, i'm usually back to normal, or close. and while i always have this waiting to strike, things are otherwise fine. but i know others who aren't so lucky, people who have chronic back or leg or foot or general pain issues. just existing day-to-day is hard; exercise? fuck off!

so i'm putting the jump rope in the basement; i'm hopeful that in a month or two, i'll feel a little better, certain motions won't be painful anymore, and i can try to use it for cardio until the snow melts in the spring. and until then, maybe i'll keep doing weights, but lower. lots of reps, just try to get my heart rate up, and keep it there. and none of this matters, not really. but i'd just like to look in the mirror and like the way i look, for once in my life.