2024-05-09: no contact but in dreams

i have never, not once in my life, tried to contact an ex once we were done. for whatever reason, they've always tried to get in touch with me — one via icq, back in that era, the other through my guestbook, and later, facebook messenger.

the other night, my most recent ex appeared in my dreams. i think because of what had happened the day before: i was out downtown, waiting in line for coffee, and saw a person that looked very much like them. short; a little stocky; a short haircut, one side buzzed — you know the cut. my brain jolted. recognition, and then later, dreams.

the indignity that they were holding me. the indignity that we were close, and silent, and intimate, the indignity that all of this was vivid. they treated me so badly. they don't deserve an inch of my time. goddamnit, leave me alone.