2024-05-31: unsettled: 2

music lessons are done for the year. one instrument due to schedule, the other to surgery: my teacher is back under the knife to try to fix his heart issues. he's not young; neither of us are. and since his initial hospitalization last year, he's lost a lot of weight. he looks gaunt, tired. bad.

i'm wondering where this leaves me. for the first time i'm wondering if i'll even have lessons in the fall. he's optimistic, but we we both know things aren't great for him. maybe this fixes him. maybe not.

i've been working on some baroque lute music, transcribed for guitar. i've been doing composition, real composition, for the first time in my life. a late bloomer at everything. some of that very much being that i need time, always a lot of time, to figure out what i say. and right now, just as much, the understanding that we're well until we're not, and who's to say it might not get bad for me soon as well.