some things & moments are forever tied to music. i have trouble listening to alanis due to associations. the philosopher kings' no woman around is my breakup song for a relationship where i never got an ending. & then there's ring of fire.
a couple decades ago i was at a friend's photography exhibit for her bfa. this would've been 04, 05, somewhere in there. at the exhibit, she was playing johnny cash, & the shuffle kept putting this song back on. i remember liking the pictures. i remember the weirdness more.
the exhibit-friend was someone i almost had a fling with but didn't (i backed out of the arrangements last minute; she understood, & we were always friends after). & who should show up but a former friend — a girl i kissed in the night-rain several years earlier — with her girlfriend, someone i took a class with in first year university, my study & lab partner, who tried to pull me into a relationship (or at least a bit of fun), which i didn't go for because she was in a relationship already & had a young daughter. i broke up one relationship when i was younger (a real regret). & i couldn't be any kind of father figure, not at 18.
i remember at one point looking over. one girl in the other's lap, arms around her neck. the girl being held looking at me. pointedly? a strange night. a strange time in my life.
i was never anything more to any of them. a midnight kiss. two what-ifs. i never had a ho phase. i've kissed very few people. happily, i found love early. this was my wild time, mild as it was.
the song changed. the cover wasn't much good, anyway. missing that iconic trumpet lick.
i got to my lesson & ran down what i'd been practicing. made notes on what to work on over the summer, what new pieces, what technique. another year done. another year older. another year further away.