we went to the zoo, saw llamas and bison and wolves and big cats. a long day. and at the end of it, settled down into an easy supper of pasta and garlic toast, followed by a movie. turning red. this now my many-th viewing, having watched it quite a few times with our goddaughter. but i don't mind. it's a great film, although it must have been stuck in my head, because in my dreams last night, i was back at my old high school, returning to do an entire year. in the hallways, i saw the girl i had a crush on my entire senior year. hey shannon [a placeholder, i knew zero shannons growing up], it's my first day here, any chance you could show me where i need to go?
waking up, realizing she was nothing like the real person except by the colour of her hair. funny how when you're dreaming, something can be wrong, and you'll just roll with it.
maybe the dream came from seeing the big brick school in the movie, maybe it came from my sister's off-handed remark about never wanting to return to her 20s. i remember thinking, for me, my teens: yes, i spent a year broke and living off barely $30 a week in groceries, yes, i was trying to figure out a job and a life (and a new city — twice —) and eventually got that nailed down; but it was all easier, by far. i didn't have to see the people i didn't want to see. people were, if not great to me, not awful. the tone and timbre of my life had shifted. it was hard but it was better.
this morning, right now, settling into a cup of coffee while everyone else sleeps. i've taken the dogs for a quick walk. they barked at the boxer down the street, were good with a golden retriever later on. 1 for 2, i guess. waiting for the coffee to kick in. wondering where we'll go today, & for how long. all of us adults, yesterday, laughing about how much more we feel it now.