2025-09-02: job worries

last week, the email came from high up in the department: a meeting scheduled for this week; the need to get costs down, considerably, and that job actions will be on the table. my heart sinking. knowing i'm probably safe, but probably is a wobbly word, & nothing's guaranteed. at a vulnerable point in my career: no longer young, not old enough to snatch a retirement package. at the painful in-between. middle aged and feeling it. experienced but grey. a bad age for a particularly bad market.

the meeting's tomorrow. the anxiety is crippling. i've been hiding it from my partner. (i'm sorry, love.) we'll see, we'll see.

journal