there's some music i've written which i think works, stands apart. i'm looking at sending it to a publisher in the new year. i've had lots of literary rejections. why not try for some musical ones as well? weird to think of myself as a composer. that was always a label for dead people.
no new guitars or amps, but lots of new pedals: drive, fuzz, a looper, trem, reverb, octave, a weird modulator. i still don't have a board yet (that's probably a good goal for 2026), but i've been enjoying playing in my little corner space in the basement. strat into pedals into a tube amp. learning things i wish i'd known twenty-five years ago, when my friends and i were all in the same city, and everyone was still alive. in the absence of that, i've been playing around with recording, sketching things out. doing things always gives me more ideas. i've been listening to more drone and ambient music, things my friends were into a quarter century ago while i was listening to classical and more modern instrumental music. i learn, eventually.
i keep hoping to hear from certain people. i'm afraid to reach out because of optics. i know what a guy messaging years past the friendship is often doing. i'm attuned to these things because of mistakes i made when i was young. it wouldn't be my intention, but it might be seen that way. i tell myself, you fucked things up before; don't you dare do it again.
three more days of work, and then some time off. i'll sit in my armchair, eat dainties, sip port. play cards and turn the fireplace on for the dogs, especially the older one.
trying to carve out some time for a small literary project. maybe the week after next. & what about you? i hope you're well. reach out to the ones you love and loved. <3