2024-12-05: shitday

decades ago, my friends noticed that a bunch of terrible things all happened on december 5th. they christened it "shitday". following up on my earlier entry, today we found out a huge swath of people would not have their contracts renewed early next year. it feels devastating. our capability to get anything done feels destroyed, never mind the trust (nobody remembers a situation like this before, where everyone on a contract is done). shitday returns.

it's dark out and it's hard to focus. i've got a list of things i can't get started. it was hard before and now this is weighing on me — i'm safe for now, but how long? meanwhile, important people tell us the economy is good, actually. never mind all the job cuts! someone's making money. it ain't us. this feels like a joke.

this year i've been writing some dated poems. yesterday, i finished another. all of them personal, autobiographical. the memory of someone who meant something to me once,

...lovelier than i ever was:
flowers on a lamplit street. ...

journal